I grew up in the Devon countryside, so peaceful so idyllic,

yet my childhood was like a whirlwind

My dad worked unsociable hours in hospitality so my mum was home alone with me and my 2 sisters most nights after working all day

I rarely saw my mum sit down, maybe a handful of times if that, there was always something to do, always stuff to clean, places to go, people to call meet or cook for, parties to prepare

…it all seemed to create so much stress depletion and exhaustion

I started to see this incessant doing unfold in my own life,
I would try and control everything,
I was always constipated, hungry and stressed (my body was so acidic)
as I never relaxed,

…writing my ridiculous to do lists, that if I didn’t get done I would flip out about,
I remember a boyfriend once saying to me “you’re going to get all that done today??” said in horror,
Yep, and I would,

I would charge around the city like a headless chicken, and it would make me feel good for a bit, like I had achieved something, like I was now enough,

when actually I was just running away from myself, hiding in the external chaos, sucked into the 3D illusion of my mind, my thoughts, that took over my life

which lead to an eating disorder (control), major hormone imbalances, severe anxiety, severe PMS, deep fear, worry and doubts

and then it landed,
I realized why my mum did it, because it made her feel like she was somebody,
me too, it made me feel like I was somebody, because I was doing so much, this made me feel like I was worthy of moments of rest, of living,

I would hear this in my head often…
“If you’re not doing then what’s the point in life” OUCH!
or it was
“If I don’t get stressed I won’t get anything done”

huge lessons I took away from this;
– was that we can get so lost in what seems important, when it’s actually not, it really doesn’t matter, and we miss out on life, on doing what really matters in our heart our soul, what makes us sing smile laugh feel good
– we don’t have to be doing to be enough, we were born enough, doing more doesn’t make us worthy of more, we’re already worthy of what we desire body, relationships, business, all of it
– I saw how my incessant doing was my get out of having to sit with myself, my pain – by ‘doing’ I didn’t have to think about how I was feeling, honestly, I was always searching externally, when the only place I really needed to go to, was inside me – sit, relax, listen, breath and be present in my body

a journey from unnecessary incessant doing, to seeing how I could channel my doing – doing from a place of BEing,
from a place of connection to my body, my breath, my vision, my purpose, to taking action on what makes me feel good, from a place of love not fear

from here a totally different kind of doing has been birthed,

this has impacted my work in the world in such a huge way, as I’ve seen the huge growth in myself through this daily practise of being tuned into my body and my breath,
and how this drops us into our BEing,
where we do from alignment with truth, instead of from a place of overwhelm, in stress control toxic thoughts bad habits – that spiral down to chaos

I live in deep honor to my mum for these lessons, as without my mum I wouldn’t be sharing these powerful lessons here with you,

I also had to forgive,

as for many years I felt angry at my mum,

But I found a deep compassion for her,
as I connected to my heart and saw how she was doing the best she could do with what she knew at the time,

When I realized I could take my power back, and stop giving into to the stress the doing the control,
that I had a choice,
I didn’t have to settle for this…

I liberated myself out of hiding and it ignited my courage, strength, self-worth,
to live life on my terms,
which illuminated an honor towards my body, my life, my dreams, my health, my business, my relationships
that ignited a journey of self-love and self-care
Wellbeing first!

Without the control stress doing,
I would have never found the freedom through surrender trust and letting go

and the deep compassion I found for my mum and then myself on this journey has allowed me to be a better and more conscious listener, leader and friend
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<> Who do you need to honor or forgive today to set yourself free?

<>What lessons could be revealed by letting your “chaos” become your liberation?